My Tattoo – No, Really.

At the risk of sounding like a complete wank, I want to rant about the tattoo I’ve been planning to close on maybe 4 years now.
I’ve always wanted a tattoo and it’s not for the reasons you think. There seems to be a deep yearning in me; almost like my instincts are telling me that it’s the only way to ‘grow up’ or to fulfill whatever it is that I’m on Earth to do.
So for a few years I’ve been drawing image after image trying to find the tattoo. Finally, after just browsing mindlessly on tumblr I stumbled upon this beautiful image.

Illustration by


The whole thing is beautiful but what really caught my eye was the Moon cycle in the middle – that was the beginning. I’d always wanted a Southern Cross tattoo because of my Australian heritage but there are a lot of people out there who have ruined it (just Google Southern Cross tattoo srsly).

Finally, I’d found a way to incorporate the Southern Cross in a way that wasn’t douche-baggy – it was a legit representation of the constellation for which the tattoo had been originally created.

I’ve also considered incorporating the Libra constellation as well because I’m a Libran but all this depends on the tattoo artist.
While I know the basics of what I want it to look like, I still want it to be a genuine piece of artwork by a genuine artist. This makes the process of finding the right artist very daunting – where do I even begin?! I guess I would need to make appointments and interview each one.

But wait there’s more, I’m getting married in July and my husband to be doesn’t want me to get it done. Well, that’s more than disappointing!

Whilst I search for the perfect artist I must try to make him understand the significance of the tattoo – maybe then he’ll be a little more willing to accept me no matter what I look like.

Flower Essences – General Information

My stock bottles of flower essences from the field of Derrian Turner.

“Dr. Edward Bach was highly regarded within the orthodox medical world for he was deeply involved in study and worked as a bacteriologist – specialising in devising and preparing vaccines for diseases.”
“In the 1930’s he gave up his lucrative practice to devote himself entirely to research work; to seek plant remedies that would help individuals gain control over their emotions.”
Dr. Bach believed that everyone should have the ability to heal themselves and that the method be easy and the treatment, gentle. His philosophy was to treat the patient, not the disease.
Today flower essences are used to bring out the positive states of mind that lay beneath a problem – to help a fearful person set aside their fear and rise in courage and confidence, the intolerant and impatient to become more understanding to compassionate, etc. Increasing amounts of evidence is showing that emotional stress can be a cause of physical illness. “If emotions can cause serious physical disorders, then it becomes apparent that we must strive to balance and correct this aspect of our nature in order to maintain a level of health and happiness.”

References: Bach Flowers Introduction (D, Turner), The Essential Writings of Edward Bach (E, Bach) and The Medical Discoveries of Edward Bach, Physician (N, Weeks)

December 2012

So lately I’ve been having repetitive dreams about my Dad. Usually they’re in different situations – at work, at my primary school, etc. But in all of them I’m trying to fly away from Dad..

The last one I can remember in detail I was worrying about Dad losing his job and instead of helping him, I just kept trying to fly away and I kept using his head as a way to try and take off.

I don’t think it takes a genius to figure out what my subconscious is trying to tell me.

Flower Essences – Clematis

Dreaming of the future without working in the present

– Dr. Bach’s Description: “Those who are dreamy, drowsy, not fully awake, no great interest in life. Quiet people, not really happy in their present circumstances, living more in the future than in the present; living in hopes of happier times, when their ideals may come true. In illness some make little or no effort to get well, and in certain cases may even look forward to death, in the hope of better times; or maybe, meeting again some beloved one whom they have lost.”

The Remedy
+ Grounds us so that our thoughts can take tangible form on Earth.
+ Feel more comfortable in the present, and so become more productive and self-fulfilled.
+ Optimism about life is renewed.

Clematis is part of my Meditation mixture.

– Notes gathered from The Essential Writings of Dr. Edward Bach (E, Bach) A Guide to the Bach Flower Remedies (J, Barnard) Flower Remedies: Feel Good Naturally (M, Wells) and my own personal experience.

For more information:

Flower Essences – Wild Oat

Uncertainty over one’s direction in life

– Dr. Bach’s Description: “Those who have ambitions to do something of prominence in life, who wish to have much experience, and to enjoy all that which is possible for them, to take life to the full. Their difficulty is to determine what occupation to follow; as although their ambitions are strong, they have no calling which appeals to them above all others. This may cause delay and dissatisfaction.”

The Remedy:
+ Can put us back on track towards self-realisation and fulfillment.

Wild Oat is part of my Meditation mixture.

– Notes gathered from The Essential Writings of Dr. Edward Bach (E, Bach) A Guide to the Bach Flower Remedies (J, Barnard) Flower Remedies: Feel Good Naturally (M, Wells) and my own personal experience.

For more information:

Flower Essences – White Chestnut

Unwanted thoughts and mental arguments

-Dr. Bach’s Description: “For those who cannot prevent thoughts, ideas, arguments which they do not desire from entering their minds. Usually at such times when the interest of the moment is not strong enough to keep the mind full. Thoughts which worry and will remain, or if for a time thrown out, will return. They seem to circle round and round and cause mental torture. The presence of such unpleasant thoughts drives out peace and interferes with being able to think only of the work or pleasure of the day.”

The Remedy:
+ Can release the mind from its addiction to constant thought, bringing new calm and clarity.

White Chestnut is part of my Meditation mixture.

– Notes gathered from The Essential Writings of Dr. Edward Bach (E, Bach) A Guide to the Bach Flower Remedies (J, Barnard) Flower Remedies: Feel Good Naturally (M, Wells) and my own personal experience.

For more information:

Flower Essences – Scleranthus

Inability to choose between alternatives

Couldn’t decide on which one to start with so obviously Scleranthus should be the first 🙂

– Dr. Bach’s description: “Those who suffer much from being unable to decide between two things, first one seeming right then the other. They are usually quiet people, and bear their difficulty alone, as they are not inclined to discuss it with others.”
– Can also assist those who experience extremes of energy.

The Remedy:
+ Helps you differentiate between situations in which we need to do something and those in which we don’t.
+ Brings balance into our lives.
+ Raises our awareness of what feels right.

– Notes gathered from The Essential Writings of Dr. Edward Bach (E, Bach) A Guide to the Bach Flower Remedies (J, Barnard) Flower Remedies: Feel Good Naturally (M, Wells) and my own personal experience.

For more information:


Yesterday, I pulled out a few of my diaries from the last couple of years and even watched a few of my video diary entries. As the last day of 2012 I suppose it’s appropriate that this be the beginning of the end of some of my old, tiring, unnecessary habits and attitudes (and how convenient – I will most likely be menstruating as we welcome in the new year!)

2012 felt like by far the worst year of my life.. but also the best. It’s funny how things work like that.
My parents seperated about 2 years ago and this year was a constant battle between the two of them. Dad was never the kind to stand up for himself; he was always walked over (first by Mum and then by my sister and I). Splitting from Mum was probably the first time he considered what he wanted first but, he seemed to have been using this new found super power of his all too often. Towards me anyway; his new girlfriend seems very controlling. Mum has been just as bad, she continues to point out how much Dad is getting out of the separation and how she’s being left with nothing. Whilst Dad is a pain in the butt, at least he can admit that there were two people in the relationship that fucked up.

“What’s this got to do with my spiritual development?” I hear you say. Not much actually – maybe just my development in general? I’ve been in denial these past couple of years. I moved out of home when I was 18 because I was just sick of their continuous emotional manipulation. The sad thing is, when I went through my diaries it was just like this “Uh HAAA” moment. I’ve been stuck in this loop, hoping that one day Mum and Dad will be the parents I’ve always wanted and needed – this has caused many disappointments on my behalf as they don’t seem likely to change at all. Maybe that’s why I keep having all these dreams about my Dad? Either why I should put some Chestnut Bud into my current flower essence mix to see what else I’ve been missing.

I’m looking forward to 2013. For the last few months I’ve been feeling a big change coming but I just haven’t been able to put my finger on what the change will be – maybe this is the beginning of it?

Attune to Self Through Herbs and Nature – Week 3

Check In
Last week when I got there Kate was standing out the front. A lady walked past and asked if we worked in the shop; we shook our heads. She poked her head into the store, for some reason this prompted me to walk inside. This forced her to come in. I believe I did this for a reason because she joined the group after Nikki explained to her what we were all there for. There was also a bush fire somewhere close as we could all smell the smoke. We were told to think of an emotion – I chose fear.
“Resting in Awareness” I felt very still – by myself.

Felt my heart beating. The herb was “asking to be recognised” – this could be in reference to the fact I’d been prescribing passionflower all week and had not recognised it. I wanted to crush it between my fingers to begin with; I really wanted to play with it in my hand. The taste reminded me of black tea with milk. The taste then seemed to change every time I took a sip. At this point we were guided into meditation by MaYanya; we were told to picture a ribbon at the base of our spine (mine was red) and then unravel it using the breath (one vertebrae at a time) to the top of our spine where a flame was lit. The brow, third eye and crown chakras were activated and opened – this was facilitated by Nikki who was walking around touching us on certain parts of the body (she cradled my head at one point, touching the sides and the space between my brows; after this the space between my brows tingled until the end of the meditation). We were then directed to imagine a pillar of concentrated light expanded down and into the body where it was directed into the stomach area (inspired by this video – that isn’t the original music btw). This helped the release of emotion through the body. I held my hands at my stomach in a triangle shape (pointing downwards) and went into a deep meditation and far away. I imagined myself in this scene.
On waking my sense of touch was much enhanced; I liked the feel of my dress and the carpet I was laying on. Light sensitivity was also present.

Calamus Root Powder “After sending the mercury, silvery energy to the moon and back 3 times my area felt a lot stronger – more tangible” – direct quote from my notes. “We were taken into a pool of liquid in the stomach that looked like silver mercury. We expanded our light body to a field around the body, and then traveled in our light bodies to the moon and back, clearing all the emerging energies from the stomach that were activated by the passionflower” – direct quote from MaYanya’s notes. At the beginning and the end MaYanya instructed us to touch and feel our aura or light body. This is when I noticed that my aura was a lot stronger and more tangible.. I felt that I could physically feel the edges. Others in the group seemed to be getting quite a bit of movement in the stomach area – I didn’t feel anything noteworthy.

Horny Goat Weed
Nothing really noteworthy here. It gave me a soft feeling and I had a circular movement happening within my body (clockwise). MaYanya says that it “anchored us back in to the base center from whence we had journeyed and pulled us back into the body after our ‘cosmic’ handing over of our emotions into the energy body of the moon”.

Check Out
Afterward I felt strong and alive. I was bouncing around the shop and was extremely keen to do our ‘sound’ (at the end of every session we all make a sound to bring us back into the world and to also acknowledge the beings and say thanks). I felt that it helped me get through this week unscathed as it was very emotionally charged for me. I still came home and was extremely exhausted but it’s taken me a day to recover when normally 2 or 3 would be needed.
NOTE: We don’t find out what herbs they are until the very end.
NOTE: Everything written in “quotation marks” is a direct quote from MaYanya, Nikki or one of the other people of the group.

Attune to Self Through Herbs and Nature – Week 2

Check In
There was a storm looming and it had been for a majority of the day – as a result the air was very electric and we were all quite restless.
I felt bigger than my body. This was an interesting development for me because I’d had this experience many times when I was a child and it really bothered me. I would get upset and mum would ask me what was wrong, “I feel weird” was all I could say. How else could I describe it? It gave me some comfort to know that all along I was connecting to the Great Being.
Nikki started off by making it clear that whilst people’s pasts are important to who they are and what they bring to the class – that we weren’t a group counselling session. This needed to be said but Saleema* wasn’t there and she was the one who needed to hear it. Ironic. In Saleema’s place we had another lady – she is yet to be named as I haven’t seen much of her personality (and tbh can’t remember her real name).

Sweet smelling, light (not heavy). Found a really pretty looking twig in my dried herb which I’ve sticky-taped to my notes (decorative and intricate). We were instructed to observe the herb in tea form – to take this being in through the eyes. I wanted to blow on the tea to make the liquid move/dance. I moved the cup around in my hands to make the light and shadows play in the liquid “reflection in a pool of water”. I got the feeling that this herb was extremely playful, young and gentle in nature.
MaYanya was saying that “You need to merge fully with the essence of you being.. you will enable healing.” She went on to explain that we very rarely look people in the eyes “Why is it so hard to look another deeply in the eye? Because your reflection is there – your healing is there”. I found this interesting because on many occasions I have looked at myself in Brian’s eyes so that I can try and figure out how he sees me. Overall, I loved the way this herb made me feel – very happy and relaxed as if everything was going to be OK

The smell reminded me of just before it rains. My first impression was of a quiet and relaxing herb (I felt my head dropping). This was a bit of a confusing herb for me – I went on a bit of a journey. I felt that I was just about to drift off when it pulled me back again and I felt a tingling in between my eyes. At one point we were directed to recognise any heat in the body and to take notice of where it first showed up; mine was the throat. We then began tapping the thymus and rubbing it in a circular motion to anchor in to that spot and to set the intent to balance. At this point we were directed to think of a colour – I saw many. Blue was the first > After tapping; Green > After pulling earlobes > I saw the sun; yellow, bright and warm > I burped and MaYanya began playing the singing bowl > a big flash of lightening lit up the sky outside where I saw a deep purple.
“All present felt a huge shift of movement in the body – working with water (the tide) in the body enabling a calming of the rough seas of emotion. The cooler blue was registered by several present – activating lymphatic cleansing.” MaYanya and Nikki’s notes.

This was was in a different form than any other herb we’ve used. We got an essence applied to any part of the body that felt right (I immediately thought of temples) and had a resin to hold and sniff – it had a spicy smell. I licked the resin and it gave me a tingling sensation on my tongue (spicy). At this point I had a feeling that it was one of the three offered to Jesus at his birth but since I didn’t really know any of them I put it out of my mind. It seemed very rhythmic – I twirled the resin in my fingers and moved my legs side to side. I saw a purple-blue rod in my minds eye and when I opened my eyes I noticed the shop lights on the roof – and that one was missing. This possibly could have something to do with one half of a whole as I was thinking about Brian.
We accessed the quantum jumping facility through the imagination and were invited to make a wish. I can’t recall how we did this though or what I saw in my imagination and I haven’t written it down. I wanted to put the resin on my upper lip so I could smell it constantly – this I allowed myself. “Expanded the field of all those present to a joyous, uplifting feeling”.

Check Out
I felt very much in my head at this stage. The storm outside was making everyone restless but I also believe it facilitated the experience. On my way home in the car I continued the noise (at the end of every class we make a noise to bring us back to Earth and to acknowledge and thank the beings in the herbs).
NOTE: We don’t find out what herbs they are until the very end.
NOTE: Everything written in “quotation marks” is a direct quote from MaYanya, Nikki or one of the other people of the group.
* name changed for privacy.