Could This be a Sign?

I’ve been wanting this book for ages – I’ve been pining over it since I first saw it on Moira’s Etsy shop (Ariom Designs) but I just couldn’t justify spending $122 on a book that I didn’t actually have a purpose for.

Recently my fiance and I have been getting a little bit of extra money so that we could both have some spending money each week and I chose to buy this as my first ‘thing’.
I know what I’m going to put in it now – it will be my new ‘Book of Shadows’ (that’s not what I want to call it but I don’t have another name – I guess I will have to think of one!).
The significance of all this is that when I contacted Moira about setting up a payment plan she told me that it was an important piece to her and she was glad it had finally found a good home. On inquiring to what she meant (I love good stories that go with artworks) she told me that it was something she created during a major turning point in her life. She said it was “where I realised almost wasn’t enough and I was deserving of setting my skills to something truly worthy” to do what made her happy and to just allow it to happen. I feel this describes exactly what I’m going through right now with my job and my art – I want my art to be an integral part of my life but I’ve never considered making money from it. Could I?
Either way I have a feeling this piece could be something that helps with my healing through art project I’ve just undertaken.

I’m really happy I’ve finally gone through with this – it took me a while but I got there in the end. Hopefully I will eventually say the same for a few of the decisions I need to make in my day to day life.

Welcome to an Australian Summer – 8/1/13

Yesterday morning

Today 41C

It’s January and it’s one of the hottest months in Australia – in my region anyway.

Today is sunny, there is no wind and it’s about 41°C – basically it’s really hot and I’m loving it. Not so great when I’m in bed trying to sleep but I know it won’t last forever so I’m enjoying it while it is here.

I haven’t heard or seen much of any animals (I can see mostly birds from where I live).

It’s been fairly hot the last few weeks but there has been the occasional temperature drop which is pretty common with this kind of heat.

Of course there is the fear of bush fires hanging in the air and everyone has been given warnings and links to down-loadable evacuation plans. I’ve seen my fair share of bushfires but the fear never fades.
 

My Animal Totem

Yesterday I watched Lupa’s video on Animal Totemism (you can watch it here) and whilst I kind of already knew a lot of the ‘basics’ already through my own practice with animals I found there were still little bits and pieces that I found very useful – it’s now conscious.

When I say that ‘it’s now conscious’ I’m referring to Jung’s concept of the shadow and the ego. I’ve not read this guy’s books but I have read a thing or two about his theories (more through other authors who expand on his ideas). Basically, I work in two ways – my subconcious and my conscious. My animal totems were more of a subconscious or ‘shadow’ part of my practice meaning that I’ve never really used them for any particular purpose, I mostly just felt comforted when I saw them. Sure I have ‘rituals’ dedicated to them but they’re mostly on the I’ll-wear-a-kookaburra-feather-in-my-hair side as opposed to the let’s-meditate-and-talk side. I’m aware that this is probably a really poor way of explaining it because some people would argue that meditation is a subconscious thing – but hey, that’s where I’m at right now and that’s what I’m doing here so for now that’s what I’m going with.

Anyway, Lupa’s video has inspired me to get more in touch with my Totem which is the Kookaburra. I’ve been observing Kookaburra’s since I was quite young and have always felt comforted and safe whenever they were around. I’ve never actually done any meditations to find out that they were my totem – one day in high school they started appearing during times of great stress and anxiety. I hated high school and I felt like they were always there protecting me because they would always turn up when I was making a big decision or thinking about something important.

Today, I started sketching a Kookaburra from a photo I took of one not that long ago – during that time I went into a bit of a meditation. Kookaburra’s have been seen as a symbol for healing and I’ve never really understood that until I was drawing this picture. The thing is, art used to be my life – I remember saying to a friend in high school that “I don’t know what I would do without art” but since graduating I’ve hardly even done a thing. I’ve attempted a few works but never finished. I was lazy with my photography and always thought too much about what it was I was doing. During this sketch I realised that the thing I loved most about art was that I could disappear into it – I meditated and my whole world was consumed with whatever it was I was painting/creating. It’s probably the first time I’ve done that (sober) since I graduated high school and I definitely think I’m on the right track.

Basically: Kookaburra = Healing Through Art

I’ll continue to blog about this part of my life – I need to paint, draw and create more.

Practicing Moon Lodge

I have a lot of free time because I’ve taken a break from study to organise our wedding however at the end of last year it was just an excuse for me to be lazy. I’ve since picked up my act – and some Bach Flowers (Clematis and Wild Rose). But there is just so many things I want to accomplish during my spare time that I feel like I need to manage it a little better – kind of like working from home.

I’m usually pretty big on timetables as I create a new one what seems like every few months or so – the only problem being that I never stick to them. So, I had this idea that maybe instead of drawing up a timetable that goes over a weekly basis I could do one on a monthly basis and fit it in to my cycle. The week just before my period is always the deal breaker when I’m studying or being at all productive in any way so I thought that if I could budget my time wisely in the first 3 weeks that it wouldn’t be such a big deal if all I felt like doing during that fourth week was drink tea and watch movies – I mean we all should be honouring that part of ourselves and it’s just unfortunate that in this day and age it’s seen as weakness.

My reasoning behind it is that I’ve been fighting with this part of myself for well, since as long as I can remember (obviously since I began puberty). There always feels like a battle going on inside my head, inside my heart between more than one woman. And you know what? I’m tired of it. I don’t want to do this for the rest of my life – she is also a part of me and I’m a part of her. I’m essentially fighting against myself. So, I’m choosing to work with her – she needs some time during that week to cry and to do art and to stare at the sky for 2 hours and I will let her no matter how much time I think I’m wasting. I will not feel guilty and I will not feel weak and I will not feel stupid.

As it is, I usually have my most profound moments during this time – but I always shove them away because I should be doing this or that. NO MORE I SAY!

I encourage other people to do this – even people who don’t experience a menstrual cycle. Everyone has a flow of energy and there are always highs and lows, I think I’m just lucky to experience them physically so it’s easier to keep track. For example; my fiance Brian experiences the same energies as I just in a shorter amount of time – so mine is over one turning of the moon whilst his may be over 2 weeks.

I’ll keep track of my feelings during the first month and then base my timetable on that – I’m kind of excited because that means I can do whatever I want, whenever I want and not feel guilty about it!
I will also post my final timetable if you are interested.

Happy Blogging )O(

Attune to Self Through Herbs and Nature – Week 4

Check In

This week was different from other weeks. I think the others might have gotten confused about whether or not it was on (it was a public holiday – also a full moon so it wouldn’t surprise me if everyone were a little busy). Either way it was only Me, Takashi* and MaYanya. I think I was quite excited of the prospect of it being a smaller class and how fast we could move through the herbs (less people = less chatting). As soon as I got there I strolled right over to the tea that they always have sitting on their counter. I took a sip before MaYanya could say anything – once she realised she told me that it was actually the first herb (she had run out of plunges). I had to laugh; the universe works in mysterious ways.
Our initial ‘drop in’ brought lethargy and exhaustion. This was not surprising seeing as I just spent the week helping my Aunty and her family and had only gotten back an hour before hand (it takes 5 hours driving to get back). I could immediately feel all of the tights spot in my body (right hip, diaphragm, both sides of right and lower back). Other than that all I felt were my need for sleep and to see Brian.

1. Mistletoe (heart herb – emotional and physical)
Ate a little of the plant material; spongey in texture. “Take scent back into glands behind ears”. We imagined a universe captured in our skull. Filling every corner of our being. We flew through the universe – black holes, blue planets and comets. We were told to imagine an eye; mine was made from a nebula (inspired by this image that I saw a few years back). Then we were told to imagine the pupil being like a door spinning on its axis which we then went through; to the dimension of the being in the herb.
I saw myself and then I saw a big desert, the sand/dirt was a dark orangey-red. There was a dark blue sky; as if the sun had just set. Before me I saw big rocks that reminded me of the stones in the Stonehenge. These represented the being’s hands (I guess that could mean how it received and took things). By the right ‘hand’ we were instructed to see a gift; from the base of the right one I saw a plant growing. It reminded me of a vine but stood upright on its own.
After that she danced with me; I couldn’t see any features, I could only feel her touch guiding me. When it was time to leave I drew a heart in the sand at the base of the spinning door, then knelt and kissed the Earth. I came back through the portal and flew home.

2. Chrysanthemum
Yellow flower, which smelt like sweat (lol). The smell was completely different to the taste. Taste wasn’t noteworthy. At this point I’ve written “Want to close our eyes” – I’m not sure who I was referring to when I said ‘our’ but I gathered it meant the group. We were told to imagine a pyramid in our head, consisting of a central pyramid as the base. It spun on it’s axis in time with the breath. I imagined myself upside down. We were told to image a colour for the pyramid. At first I saw white (not transparent) – then it changed to yellow then green. The pineal gland then started glowing and pulsating green. MaYanya then went on to explain that Green and Pink are the colours of the heart centre and it was the colour of healing.

3. Borage (powerful balancing herb)
As soon as MaYanya poured the tea I felt a shiver all through my body. I got another shiver on picking up and then on drinking the tea. We were told to think of the colour of the flower – then MaYanya made clear that it doesn’t matter if we got the colour wrong (I had to giggle at that because that’s precisely what I was worrying about haha). I saw an orange flower with deep green foliage. I could smell wattle which enveloped my entire being (the smell of wattle is my absolute favourite). We were told to imagine being a bee, we buzzed and gathered nectar and pollen – accepting the pure joy this plant was giving to us (described as an “orgasm”). We were then taught to put this pollen anywhere we needed it – I chose my brain which then overflowed to my eyes. MaYanya then explained that this will allow us to interpret signals from the organs and that this particular herb will be working for a couple of days (food/sound/action/etc). I massaged my head (temples, forehead, back of head) and a feeling of cold on my eyes.

NOTE: We don’t find out what herbs they are until the very end.
NOTE: Everything written in “quotation marks” is a direct quote from MaYanya, Nikki or one of the other people of the group.
* name changed for privacy.

A Shamanic Drum Journey

So, I was just cruising around the internet when I ended up on the Australian Doula College website and the Shamanic Midwifery website (I was browsing longingly through all their courses and intensives). In my travels I found a free download section which led me to this wonderful drum journey. To be completely honest I wasn’t entirely sure what traveling into my womb would actually accomplish but I enjoy people playing drums so I thought ‘Why not?’
Here’s the link if you wanted to give it a go yourself.

My Experience:
I sat on my balcony that has a great view of the lake and where the wind has some fantastic access (I wanted to be in the middle of all this). I set up a little mini altar, basically just for protection – a ‘safe space’ so to speak. The ‘altar’ consisted of my statues of the god and goddess and a daffodil pin that my late great grandmother found a way to give to me. I then did the usual clearing my mind, deep breaths, a drink of water and took some meditation flower essences. I then got comfortable and played the track.

At first, while the lady was explaining what to do, I saw waves of energy (on opening my eyes at the end of the vision I related this to the waves on the lake that the wind was making). I journeyed to my womb to the beat of the drum where I met my inner Goddess. I’d dreamt about her before but never realised who she was – all I knew were the feelings of awe that I had for her. She held out her hand and gave me a gift – it was a fertilised egg. I cried as soon as I realised what it was – I have had the urge to conceive on many occasions but both my partner and I have decided to wait until we’re married however the longer I wait the harder it becomes and the more upset I become at not being able to fulfill what’s in my heart.
At this point I asked “Are you for my highest good?” She was surprised, maybe a little hurt and withdrew a little bit. I told her I was afraid – I confided my fears in her. She told me that my destiny won’t begin until I accept this responsibility.
We danced then; we spun through the wind and tiptoed over the lake. It seemed she was trying to comfort me. She explained to me that the gift is there if I choose to receive it. I finally understood and appreciated that she was me; an older and wiser version. I told her that I would love to accept such a gift especially if it came from her.
Then my vision filled with red – a bright red. Then it slowly changed into the most brilliant blue. I thanked her and said farewell. On returning to my body I opened my eyes to see the sky – I realised how beautiful that hue of blue was and that it was the same blue that was in my vision.

After Thoughts
I had this dream a few years back about this lady (I will try and find my journal entry of it and write it down more accurately) – at the time I saw her as a witch. I was in love with this person but she cruelly kept us a part by way of our age meaning we would be at different ages in each life so we couldn’t be together (eg. I would be a teenager, he would be baby etc). Towards the end of the dream we were finally the same age and able to be together – we were so happy but quickly realised the responsibilities involved. I believe this dream was about my current situation with my partner and I – even though I feel ready for a child I probably am not and my partner is far from ready.
I accepted the gift but I believe I’ll get to choose when to use it – possibly she finally saw that I am ready for the responsibility of choosing my own fate in that area as opposed to her keeping control over it.
Either way I’m very pleasantly surprised by the results this drum journey gave me. I’d been struggling with this issue quite a bit recently and this gave me exactly what I needed.

Moontime – Intro

I’m studying to be a Naturopath and have always been really interested in Women’s Health – in the future I hope to specialise in that area and focus on preconception care, homebirth and new mum and baby care. Somewhat recently in my study of this subject I’ve come across a number of websites, books and people who have spoken about the Women’s Mysteries.

What are the Women’s Mysteries?

“The shamanic journeys of our rites of passage of menarche, childbirth, and menopause; the spiritual practice of menstruation; the inner, spiritual and shamanic journey of pregnancy, birth and mothering; and menopause as rebirth.” – Moonsong
A lot of my sources talk about the oppression of women and how misogyny, sexism and discrimination in the past (and I daresay the present) have led to the disconnection of women from the mysteries.

Spiritual Menstruation

I have just begun to connect and work with the mysteries so I hope to document my working with them here. At the moment I’ve mostly been working with spiritual menstruation as I have not experienced pregnancy, childbirth, or menopause. I have also begun to work with the menstrual cycle in my craft – using the different energies of my cycle in rituals, spells, prayer, etc and I’ve found that it really does give a bit of edge to whatever it is I’m doing.

Doula and Shamanic Midwife

I hope to one day have a successful home-birth practice. I would love to be a doula and shamanic midwife – the only thing stopping me doing the course is the financial aspect. So expect to see talk of these things there too.

Note: I hope not to offend anyone who does identify as a woman but who may not have a menstrual cycle as such (or vice versa). I will try my hardest to include everyone but I must admit I’m a little ignorant in that area – if I overstep the line please say something (nicely!). In saying that I hope that everyone learns something from my writing about menstruation as everyone experiences this energy whether or not you actually experience the physical bleeding and/or ovulation.

4/1/13 – The Kookaburra’s have Returned

I live in a place that’s perfect for Kookaburra’s to thrive – I found this fact truly exciting when I first moved in as Kookaburra’s are a part of me. I’ve always seen their seemingly coincidental appearances during important life events as a sign of guidance and protection. That’s why I noticed when one day they seemed to just disappear.

They can be stealthy when they want to be, but I was sure they weren’t around. I couldn’t feel them, I couldn’t hear their unmistakable laughing and I stopped being visited by them which, in itself is unusual. At first I feared that maybe they had left me because they weren’t happy with how I’d been acting (after a tarot card reading I realised that I had a pretty shitty attitude – my cards don’t beat around the bush and they’re not afraid to hurt people’s feelings), then I thought maybe I wasn’t in need of their guidance anymore because two big black crows/ravens showed up in their place (I have an inkling they’re Ravens but ever since childhood everyone I know have called them Crows). I must admit, I was sad and a bit nostalgic – they’d been there for me for as long as I can remember and it just seemed my whole life, including my guardians, were changing.

About a week ago however, I woke up to the beautiful sound of their cackling laughter and I smiled. A day or two later I was visited by a beautiful Kookaburra (I still haven’t figured out if it’s the same one that visits me) with a giant worm hanging out of it’s mouth and again this morning another one visited. After some reflection I realise that maybe there was another reason entirely for their departure – Magpies.

I’m not sure how many of you know about Magpies but let me put it this way – they’re extremely protective of their young. The Kookaburra’s had disappeared around about the time when Magpies were laying their eggs and I had witnessed a few tiffs between the two. It actually kind of surprised me at the time because Kookaburra’s had always seemed fairly intimidating – however, I’m not a bird and I suppose anything with a sharp beak and claws would be intimidating to me. Looking at them now, especially at the one that visited me this morning, I realise they’re more of the class clown of the Australian wildlife. Always laughing and doing whatever they please – you should see a group of them together.

During the absence of the Kookaburra’s, I got closer to the Magpies. My fiance and I were sitting on the back balcony one day, talking and enjoying the view, when a very large Magpie landed on the railing about a meter away from us. If I thought Kookaburra’s were intimidating then Magpie’s were just downright scary – I was in awe though so I just sat there while Brian got scared and went inside. Magpies are reasonably easy to deal with though – I just complimented the shit out of it’s scary looking beak and claws and told it how lustrous it’s plumage was (I wasn’t lying!). Looking back now I realise that maybe this Magpie, which I believe to be a male, was deciding whether or not we were a threat to his soon to be babies. After that experience I left regular offerings for the parents and then their young when they were old enough to fly – this seemed to put me on their good side and they haven’t seemed all that interested in us since (a part from when I try to stick a big black camera in their face).

Surya Namaskara A (Sun Salutation A) – Jan 2013

Just thought I would document my yoga progress – admittedly I’ve gotten worse in terms of how far I can go in the postures since I’ve stopped going to a regular class. I’m hoping that will change the more I do it.

This is the postures required in the Sun Salutation – I normally start off with this whenever I practice yoga so I thought these poses would be the most accurate representation of my progress. Basically, I will take more photos at the end of the year and will hopefully see some different 🙂

Attune to Self Through Herbs and Nature – Week 3

Check In
Last week when I got there Kate was standing out the front. A lady walked past and asked if we worked in the shop; we shook our heads. She poked her head into the store, for some reason this prompted me to walk inside. This forced her to come in. I believe I did this for a reason because she joined the group after Nikki explained to her what we were all there for. There was also a bush fire somewhere close as we could all smell the smoke. We were told to think of an emotion – I chose fear.
“Resting in Awareness” I felt very still – by myself.

Passionflower
Felt my heart beating. The herb was “asking to be recognised” – this could be in reference to the fact I’d been prescribing passionflower all week and had not recognised it. I wanted to crush it between my fingers to begin with; I really wanted to play with it in my hand. The taste reminded me of black tea with milk. The taste then seemed to change every time I took a sip. At this point we were guided into meditation by MaYanya; we were told to picture a ribbon at the base of our spine (mine was red) and then unravel it using the breath (one vertebrae at a time) to the top of our spine where a flame was lit. The brow, third eye and crown chakras were activated and opened – this was facilitated by Nikki who was walking around touching us on certain parts of the body (she cradled my head at one point, touching the sides and the space between my brows; after this the space between my brows tingled until the end of the meditation). We were then directed to imagine a pillar of concentrated light expanded down and into the body where it was directed into the stomach area (inspired by this video – that isn’t the original music btw). This helped the release of emotion through the body. I held my hands at my stomach in a triangle shape (pointing downwards) and went into a deep meditation and far away. I imagined myself in this scene.
On waking my sense of touch was much enhanced; I liked the feel of my dress and the carpet I was laying on. Light sensitivity was also present.

Calamus Root Powder “After sending the mercury, silvery energy to the moon and back 3 times my area felt a lot stronger – more tangible” – direct quote from my notes. “We were taken into a pool of liquid in the stomach that looked like silver mercury. We expanded our light body to a field around the body, and then traveled in our light bodies to the moon and back, clearing all the emerging energies from the stomach that were activated by the passionflower” – direct quote from MaYanya’s notes. At the beginning and the end MaYanya instructed us to touch and feel our aura or light body. This is when I noticed that my aura was a lot stronger and more tangible.. I felt that I could physically feel the edges. Others in the group seemed to be getting quite a bit of movement in the stomach area – I didn’t feel anything noteworthy.

Horny Goat Weed
Nothing really noteworthy here. It gave me a soft feeling and I had a circular movement happening within my body (clockwise). MaYanya says that it “anchored us back in to the base center from whence we had journeyed and pulled us back into the body after our ‘cosmic’ handing over of our emotions into the energy body of the moon”.

Check Out
Afterward I felt strong and alive. I was bouncing around the shop and was extremely keen to do our ‘sound’ (at the end of every session we all make a sound to bring us back into the world and to also acknowledge the beings and say thanks). I felt that it helped me get through this week unscathed as it was very emotionally charged for me. I still came home and was extremely exhausted but it’s taken me a day to recover when normally 2 or 3 would be needed.
NOTE: We don’t find out what herbs they are until the very end.
NOTE: Everything written in “quotation marks” is a direct quote from MaYanya, Nikki or one of the other people of the group.